Trying to make sense of faith seems to be a waste of time. The whole process seems like a circular argument. God is the author and finisher of our faith. God has to place the initial desire to seek Him in our hearts, yet we have to seek God to find Him. The process is not very logical.
A couple weeks ago I had dinner with my boss, who was a theology major at Oxford a few years back. I had been wanting to chat with him about what he had studied and specifically what he believed. He's a really bright guy, and whose opinion I respect, so I didn't think there was any chance of a bad discussion. As the conversation progressed, he decided to respectfully play the devils advocate, and was joined by the maitre d' who didn't have any faith or education about God. They asked me questions like "How could God's laws be fair if no one has been able to keep them except for Jesus Christ, His son?", and "How could God, who claims to love humanity with every fiber of His being, allow the suffering in the world today?", and "If God knew that Lucifer was going to rebel, and that humans would fall, isn't it cruel and selfish to have created us in the first place?"
Perhaps a better man than me would have been able to answer these questions, but I had no logical explanation to rationalize God or the Bible. The way the questions were framed, and from the viewpoint of the maitre d', believing in God is both foolish and irrational. I would agree with the latter, but the former I could disagree with more.
The conversation ended at three in the morning, after many different theological beliefs had been opened and explored. Kevin, my boss, being a theology major, also knew which areas were the most ripe for discussion and interpretation. Anyway, it did end, and we all parted with a new respect for one another due to a heated discussion without the usual personal attacks or name calling associated with such a sensitive topic.
The next day I awoke a little groggy, and trying to make sense of a rather battered and bruised belief system. This whole month, I have been wrestling with some fairly large issues like selflessness, love, faith, and have not been able to make sense of any of them. My hope was to have them all figured out in a months time, or at least a fresh understanding and foundation to begin the summer with, but I feel as if there is more unclear than when I began.
The coast of Northern Oregon is quite spectacular. Mountains would be a generous term, but there are some very sizable hills that dive, quite abruptly in places, right into the Pacific. They form just enough of a barrier to catch the ocean mist and create the kind of ambiance where werewolves are possible and one could imagine Bella and Edward racing through the forest.
I woke up early last Saturday morning, and went for an isolated walk on the beach. The sky was steel gray, the tide was coming in with a stiff easterly breeze, and the clouds were moving swiftly through the green evergreens blanketing the hills. I found a little sandbar to explore and was soon surrounded on three sides by the approaching tide, with a swim or retreat as my only two options. Right there, I felt close to God. I believe that He was in the mystery and vastness surrounding me, and I was ok with not being able to prove it.
Having to explain things empirically is a very seductive way of thinking, but is in essence flawed. God cannot be explained, he cannot be contained by our 'rational', self-serving thought processes. He's God. Come on! If I can't explain my faith, it's ok. If I can't understand my own faith, that's ok too. Faith in itself is unexplainable. It's definition hinges on things hoped for and things unseen.
Next time someone (or myself) questions my faith, I hope to be content in believing without having to defend myself on their terms of logical and reason. Some questions are too big to answer, you've just got to believe.
8 comments:
Dating an atheist, I've had this very same, heated discussion numerous times. I've asked myself the very same questions your boss asked you, and my boyfriend asked me. How can God's laws be fair if Christ was only one who could keep them? How is it fair for us to aspire to attain what Christ did--perfection--when He is actually God incarnate? If God knew that Lucifer was going to rebel, and that humans would fall, isn't it cruel and selfish to have created us in the first place? All those same questions...and answers I don't have. But, I, too, have concluded that my faith is mine alone, and I don't have to explain it to anyone. That's why it is faith.
"This whole month, I have been wrestling with some fairly large issues like selflessness, love, faith, and have not been able to make sense of any of them. My hope was to have them all figured out in a months time, or at least a fresh understanding and foundation to begin the summer with, but I feel as if there is more unclear than when I began."
I dont think we as humans will ever truly "figure out" these things until we are no longer on this earth.
Your wrestling with some heavy stuff!
It does take faith to believe in God, but to me not believing in a God takes MORE faith.
Those are really hard questions. It is the experience that we have with God that makes the most sense to me. We can know all about the Bible and do all the right things but if we don't have the relationship it is pointless.
Call me, I have some life altering new for you!
When we're relating (whether directly or in cognition) with a Fact as supernatural, vast, and superior as God, we're bound to come up short in matters of explanation. My guess is that in time, Matt, these questions will be answered with more satisfaction, though probably giving way to newer and more nuanced issues. In the end, it is important to be able to give a reason for the hope that lies within us, but always with a humility that recognizes we're not the omniscient One. And I think that a vibrant, living walk with God that sees Him in real action in one's own real life-- that helps keep the faith strong when the answers seem weak.
i was reading an article about carl jung's red book and there's a quote that made me instantly think of this post.
"reason and understanding must unite with unreason and magic."
with the evolution of science reason seems to have been arbitrarily prioritized above the thousands of secular/non-secular values. we demand that it be empirical, that we be able to see it. now we have to 'prove' everything. we need to know it's 'real'. we no longer sacrifice animals or have faith in symbols or are in awe of lightning. we consider things sacred less and less because it all can be explained.
but is it okay to not know? to celebrate our 'not-knowing-ness'? are we allowed? answering these questions from a logical perspective would be like trying to play soccer on a hockey rink or vice versa. the two are opposite. i think the secret is in merging the two.
another jungian quote: "to give birth to the ancient in a new time in creation."
Good read. Challenging questions. Sage conclusions. Thanks. I'll think about those questions too.
I agree with Kessia and Dylan. I hope you can find some peace soon. I know I don't know you very well, but I think your awesome nonetheless :)
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