turkey talk

Lamentations 3:19-33

2011-06-11T18:48:00.000+02:00

I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them
and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "the Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for Him."

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him,
to the one who seeks Him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

Let him sit alone in silence,
for the Lord has laid it on him.
Let him bury his face in the dust-
there may yet be hope.
Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.

For men are not cast off by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief,
he will show compassion,
so great is His unfailing love.
For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.

Sofa reminiscent

2011-06-10T17:29:00.000+02:00

It's not the subject that I miss, but the feeling
of a time a little more simple and sweet.
From the shadows of my memory come,
hazy pictures with blurry faces and
moments immortal, yet not crystal.

Hard times have become shrouded by the waxing good,
the loud has become soft, and the soft loud.
A sweet whisper is an obelisk, enduring, prominent while
memories once harsh have scurried into the dark alleys,
places at once difficult, dangerous, and unrewarding to explore.

Reflection is a sunset, golden and warm...
trails drenched in yellows, and orange and
oh! but it burns to look ahead and
the path traveled is now comfortable. So, here
with a yearning heart my soul does say,
it is well.

11:59pm

2011-06-08T09:00:00.001+02:00

It's 11:59, well now midnight. I just got home from the office and I cannot stop thinking about work. Where is our next job going to come from? How are we going to get our name out there? How can we afford the equipment we need to do our job? Why do plans keep falling through!

Now that I've gotten home, this change of scenery should provide the incentive I needed to keep working. And working. and working...

Someone told me that our bodies require a certain amount of sleep to be creative. I feel like I'm having to sacrifice sleep in order to preserve a life of creativity. Sleep and security and friends.

Luckily, my ice cream sandwich is here to keep me company.

Thanks pal.

Inconvenienced

2011-06-07T09:13:00.000+02:00

Gas inland is about 35 cents a gallon cheaper than gas in LA. For this reason, I've started buying inland, at the same place in Colton, about halfway between Maranatha's house and where the mtn. biking trails are at.

When I filled up last Sunday I got approached again by another person asking for money. It was seriously the third or fourth time that day that people had asked me for money. And, every time I've filled my car up at this place, I've always been guilted into giving someone something.

Yes, I realize that is a terrible thing to think, but I thought it. I genuinely felt inconvenienced, and wished that I could just live my life in peace. I'm sad to say that I did not cheerfully help every person who asked. I'm sad to say that I often think life is about me, and what I want, and what I think I need, and how I feel.

So it comes as no surprise that the last three times I've opened the Bible, its been to Isaiah 58. No matter how much I try to ignore God, He always has a way of shedding light on the truth if I'll only open my eyes.

Double Tall Soy Latte

2011-06-06T10:08:00.000+02:00

No doubt espresso/coffee gets expensive, but I would argue that it pays for itself.

Being self-employed at this juncture, I have found that to be productive requires a plan. Secondly, I need small goals (weeks) rather than long goals (months etc...). Four hours ago, I had no plan for the upcoming week or any energy/motivation to be productive.

Enter one $4 double tall soy latte. Now, at 1am I now have a good start on the week ahead with energy to spare for a quick blog.

It may be unfortunate that caffeine is my effective catalyst for efficiency, but the fact remains.

Conclusion: $4 well spent.

On regret

2011-06-03T11:51:00.000+02:00

I've decided not to live in regret.

This requires two things:

1. Don't do regretful things
2. Let go of the past

Not Long

2011-05-30T08:04:00.000+02:00

It doesn't take long for acquaintances to become friends. It just takes some sort of shared experience to seal the deal.

Take this afternoon for example. Maranatha gave Elia a new DJ'ing machine, so the three of us plus two other friends spent the afternoon banging on things, laughing, and having a great time 'making music'. I know have two new friends.

And... I learned that Norway is the land where dreams come true. Who knew?

My Self Righteous Rant

2011-05-24T09:21:00.000+02:00

Allow me, for a moment, to rant about something that isn't new or original.

Adventists, by and large, are the most hypocritical group of people that I know. Myself included. True, many of the people I know and most that I know well are Adventist, and we are nauseatingly hypocritical. We are causing people to have a grossly distorted view of God because of how we act, what we are comfortable with, and who we exclude because we are too damn lazy to put the effort into getting to know them for who they are rather than what they aren't.

We should be ashamed of ourselves.

Life is not about surrounding yourself with what is comfortable and protecting yourself from what isn't. Life is for living. So stop protecting yourself and live! You know that people's perception of God is dependent on how we live our lives, so it's bigger than just you.

Get over yourself, and live life. Fully and abundantly.

Life life. Purposefully and with variety.

Live. Life.

New Post?!

2011-05-23T09:08:00.000+02:00

Well I've nearly made it a year since writing on this blog, and to tell you the truth I'm not sure I have anything urgent to say right now. Maybe an overview will suffice for the mean time.

Since last writing, a lot has happened in my life. I have gone through four jobs, a long relationship, started a company, eaten hundreds of donuts, and moved to Hollywood. My days are spent talking to wedding planners, help in the production of a feature length film, learning about documentaries, and figuring out what exactly is up with life.

I mean really. What is up... life?

You're crazy.

I'm not sure I can keep up.

It is interesting though, and filled with great people and a loving God. I always hoped that life would be an adventure, but I could not have planned a trip like this if I would have wanted to.

Fear of Failure

2010-07-31T11:01:00.004+02:00

The fear of failure has been ruling my life.

It has to stop.

It has crept in under the guise of rationality, safety, and appearance. It has kept the ‘what-if’s’ at bay. It’s kept those ‘grounded in reality’ and ‘in the real world’ pacified. It’s kept my potential untapped, and rendered my life passionless. It has kept my dreams as just that, dreams.

So what if I try and fail. Really, will I be any worse for trying? Will those who may laugh and scorn my being ‘out of touch’ have gained anything on me? Will I be less satisfied with myself because I went for it?

Why is it assumed that those we might deem successful have something that the rest of us lack? Could it be that these ‘achievers’ really just have the guts to keep swinging after repeated misses? Is that really the secret? Does it boil down to just going for stuff without the certainty of success, aka, the ability to overcome the fear of failure?

Yes!

We were not created to be timid and to live the safe life, waiting for certainty before making decision. This is the path to being Luke-warm and passion-less, which God detests. While we are to have faith that God will guide and lead us, we are not to hide behind this and excuse our fear of making the wrong decision as waiting on God to ‘open the right door’.

Jesus sent His disciples out without extra clothes or money, obvious necessities for making the trip they were about to, as a faith builder. He told them to go, and trust that He would bless them with provisions along the way. He did not lay everything out ahead of time so that His disciples understood what was going to happen. Jesus said go! Do it! I’ll take care of you. I’ll bless you along the way. I’ll help you deal with things as they come up. Jesus was showing them that stepping out in faith is just as valid as waiting on the Lord.

The Wright brothers never would have discovered flight if, instead of following their hearts, had let the fear of failure, of peers laughter, of losing money or time rule their decision making. In fact, they did endure criticism and failure. Years of tests, hypothesis, fails, and re-designs predicated their most famous achievement. What kept them going? Passion, and a refusal to let fear get in their way. Often, the best things in life come after many failures. They were ultimately successful because they dared to live.

Can we make bad decisions? Yes. Will we fail? Probably so. Can our Lord and Savior, creator of the heavens and the Earth, work in our decisions for His glory? Yes, He can! Then why do we let the fear of failure or the fear of making the wrong decision incapacitate us? This is a lack of faith.

We are called to live, really live. Merriam-Webster defines life as “an organismic state characterized by the capacity for metabolism, growth, reaction to stimuli, and reproduction.” Life is more that getting by, avoiding risk, and saving up for retirement. In fact, life is quite the opposite. We know we are alive by being able to deal with failure (stimuli) and grow through it.

Wake up! Don’t let another day go by anesthetizing your passions with fear. We can never have the promised ‘peace that passes understanding’ while living in fear. You were meant to live for so much more. God has called each and everyone of us to fly.

The Ministry of the Inner Life

2010-06-21T19:55:00.000+02:00

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." - 1 Peter 2:9

By what right have we become "a royal priesthood"? It is by the right of the atonement by the Cross of Christ that this has been accomplished. Are we prepared to purposely disregard ourselves and to launch out into the priestly work of prayer? The continual inner-searching we do in an effort to see if we are what we ought to be generates a self-centered, sickly type of Christianity, not the vigorous and simple life of a child of God. Until we get into this right and proper relationship with God, it is simply a case of "hanging on by the skin of our teeth," although we say, "What a wonderful victory I have!" Yet there is nothing at all in that which indicates the miracle of redemption. Launch out in reckless, unrestrained belief that the redemption is complete. Then don't worry anymore about yourself, but begin to do as Jesus Christ said, in essence, "Pray for the friend who comes to you at midnight, pray for the saints of God, and pray for all men." Pray with the realization that you are perfect only in Christ Jesus, not on the basis of this argument: "Oh, Lord, I have done my best; please hear me now."

How long is it going to take God to free us from the unhealthy habit of thinking only about ourselves? We must get to the point of being sick to death of ourselves until there is not longer any surprise at anything God might tell us about ourselves. We cannot reach and understand the depths of our own meagerness. There is only one place where we are right with God, and that is in Christ Jesus. Once we are there, we have to pour out our lives for all we are worth in this ministry of the inner life.

Taken from My Utmost for His Highest: Updated Edition June 21

I'm content

2010-06-18T00:17:00.000+02:00

Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by how lucky I am. I am healthy, loved, comfortable, live in a beautiful place, have a great support system, forgiven, and have hope for the future.

What else could you ask for?

…on freedom

2010-06-15T20:00:00.000+02:00

The last election I got really excited about Ron Paul and a lot of the Libertarian ideals, even though he was running under for the Republican nomination. Alas, he lost, but I still voted Libertarian, though I can't remember who the guy was at this point. It was on principle, for freedom. Freedom to do what I want, and freedom from others telling me what to do.

Paradoxically, freedom is not doing what I want. This I know for a fact. Pursuing my plans and desires has trapped me in apprehension and disappointment. There is no peace for those always scheming and planning, figuring out how to get ahead. Pursuing ones happiness is selfish in nature, and will only lead to a series of temporary gratifications and ultimately dissatisfaction.

True freedom is being free from apprehension and worry, having a peace 'that passes understanding'. This only comes from complete surrender of our own desires and plans to God's plan. Surrender = giving up = death to self (and our notion that we know what's better for ourselves that God does) = faith = complete trust in God. While we are taught to plan plan plan, work work work, God tells us to rest in Him. In Him is peace from ourselves and the concern of ensuring our happiness.

The weekend before last I went on a little climbing adventure with Brandon and Grant into the North Cascades. The mountains are super steep. I mean right out of the car, we were on a slog straight up the mountain though an old growth forest, up a talus field covered with a thin layer of snow that may or may not hold you weight, across streams, and finally onto a snowfield before arriving at the cliff-line. It was interesting, we had pretty decent weather most of the way up until we were almost to the snowfield. We sat down for a little snack break and saw a fog creeping around the buttress to our left about a thousand feet down and slowly start to make its way up toward us. We put our packs back on and tried to move a little faster, but knew we had no chance against the advancing cloud while post-holing through thigh deep snow.

Soon enough we were engulfed in this world of bright diffused white. Sky and snow look the same. Depth is lost. Every step is second guessed, and you start walking closer to your friends. We stopped and looked at each other trying in vain to gain some courage the others disposition. It was decided that the time had come for the map and compass to guide our way, so I dug out my compass and opened up the map. Unfortunately, it was not the map, but the camping permit. The map was waiting patiently in the backseat of my car for our return.

I wish I could convey the feeling we all felt at this point. It was something along the lines of "Oh Shit!" and "so…". We talked a few minutes about which direction we thought the mountain was, what we though the valley's orientation was, and where we thought we should be going, and hesitantly decided that we should walk north. That was the plan. Walk. North.

At this point, every step became much more cautious. We knew that we didn't know where we were going, nor what could be in front of us. The lack of visibility left far too many variables to our imagination, every slope was now a possible cliff, every forward movement increasing our 'lostness'. After who knows who long, we got to a point where we knew the snow was sloping down on either side and in front of us, who knows how far or how steep. With frazzled nerves, we desperately tried to see something, anything that could fit into what we thought this was going to look like to give us courage to go on. Nothing. We dug a pit for the tent, and decided to settle in for the night, and trace our steps out in the morning.

Before digging, we tossed up a prayer for safety and visibility. To our left we saw what appeared to be a slope and some sort of dark vertical bands that could pass for the westerly cliffline we needed to hike parallel to. This being the case, the slope to our immediate left dropped off who knows how far and we were wise to have heeded our apprehension and stop hiking. Fifteen minutes later, we had the spot cleared and the tent was going up.

Mountain weather is volatile and unpredictable, so the exception can be the rule more times than not. In our case, however, it could not have been chance. Directly above us, surrounded by swirling gray clouds, a circle of blue sky opened up (the first of the day) and illuminated not only where we were, but where we needed to go. The 'perilous cliff' directly to our left turned out to be a gently five foot slope, and the 'vertical rock band' across the 'valley' was another slope twenty feet away and a fifty feet high. Turns out we were miraculously close to the chute needed to gain the last ridge, and in danger of nothing but our own imaginations.

That's what perspective does. When we look at life as something to be wrestled to the ground and willed into submission, we are met with worry, apprehension, guilt, dissatisfaction from things not going our way, and failure. Freedom is what Christ offers. He has the perspective we lack. What seems an impassable obstacle to us is really a gentle five foot slope, we just can't see beyond through the fog. We don't have to understand the peace offered or the direction headed, we just have to have faith that He is taking us where we need to go. Only in giving up on ourselves and clinging to Him can we truly be free.

back in the dark

2010-05-29T06:36:00.000+02:00

Scratch what I said on trust. I really don't understand it, or how love is partially defined by trust, and God calling us to love everyone.

So many things I don't understand.

…more on faith

2010-05-28T03:40:00.000+02:00

Trust is rather illusive. There are people I trust, and there are people I do not. This, I would argue, is a consequence of their actions. If they are deserving of trust, than I will grant it to them, and vice versa. I feel completely justified in not trusting someone who hasn't proven to be 'trustworthy'. God has given me a brain, and He expects me to use it. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

God has also called me to love, and has shown me by example how to do so. In case I didn't get what was supposed to happen by his example, He lays out what love is and is not in 1 Corinthians 13. In this description, He says that 'love always trusts'. What are we supposed to do with that? Is He asking us to do something that doesn't quite make sense… again?

It seems that trust is quite similar to faith. It doesn't always make sense, and we often can't explain it. For example: God loves the world, therefore by definition there is some sort of trust in there that we certainly haven't earned. This doesn't make sense. To prove this, Jesus entrusted His entire life's work to a handful of friends that had proved themselves to be anything but trustworthy. Why? Because Jesus had faith in them. Faith is essential to trust, you cannot have the latter without the former. The Bible tells us to fight for faith (1 Tim. 6:12) and to trust in the Lord (Psalm 37:3, Proverbs 3:5). Both instances are calls to action, not necessarily based on empirical evidence or how we feel.

Through faith and a trust in God (neither of which make sense on our terms), we are given grace (which also doesn't make sense). Grace means that because of our faith, we are set free from our past to enter into a relationship with God. Since sin is the antithesis of God, anything containing sin would not be able to stand before God without being destroyed, thus the necessity of forgiveness and Christ's sacrifice. Faith also means accepting Jesus' sacrifice as sufficient and trusting God to change us into the person He designed us to be in the first place.

For the past fifteen years or so, sexual temptations have been my Achilles heel. They have been a constant fight, most of the time with me on the losing side. My whole adult life has been consisted of me trying in vain to do the right thing, and with me failing sooner or later every time. I always wanted to be rid of this sin, to actually believe that I could move on from my past and become the man God wanted me to be, but never had anything to hang my hat on. Why should I believe in myself when I know how I have always acted in the past. I hadn't proven myself trustworthy.

The last month has not been without temptation, but for the first time in I don't know how many years God has protected me from and seen me through every struggle. He has blessed my efforts to seek Him and trust Him with actual results. He has grown my faith, and has cleared my record through His son. Faith is more than just believing that there is a God who has a son who died to save everyone from sin. Faith is knowing that Christ conquered sin, that He has conquered my sin and will pull me out if its chokehold of guilt and doubt if we just ask and seek Him.

Faith is the beginning of hope. Through suffering, perseverance, and character building, we are blessed with a hope for a better future both here on Earth (by freedom from our past and credited perfection allowing a relationship with God) and in Heaven. Faith in Christ has released us from who we were and has shown us what we have to look forward to, but what about the present?

God's ultimate gift to me, thus far, has been peace. This again, is a product of faith. Once I was released from my past and shown that I needn't worry about my future, I can finally relax and start to enjoy the freedom that Jesus has given to me, all because of an unexplainable faith in Him. This is the "peace that transcends all understanding" (Philippians 4:7) and the way that we can be delivered from all of our fears (Psalm 34:4). If we find ourselves apprehensive or unsettled about anything, it is time we go back to the basics and examine our faith.

I have not arrived at some 'ah-hah' spot, nor am I completely rid of anxiety. I'm not 'there'. I really don't even know where 'there' is. I do know that God's anxiously waiting to take our hand and lighten our load. It's possible. If God can save me and take away my guilt, He can do the same anyone. Give Him and honest chance, really try to learn about Him and He will make your life a lot better.

This wasn't meant to be a sermon, and I'm not even sure it will make sense to anyone else, but I guess it is what it is. I've just been really interested in how faith, trust, righteousness, and hope work together, and this is what came out. Please let me know if I've missed anything along the way.

…on faith

2010-05-20T02:15:00.003+02:00

"For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength." 1 Cor. 1:25

Trying to make sense of faith seems to be a waste of time. The whole process seems like a circular argument. God is the author and finisher of our faith. God has to place the initial desire to seek Him in our hearts, yet we have to seek God to find Him. The process is not very logical.

A couple weeks ago I had dinner with my boss, who was a theology major at Oxford a few years back. I had been wanting to chat with him about what he had studied and specifically what he believed. He's a really bright guy, and whose opinion I respect, so I didn't think there was any chance of a bad discussion. As the conversation progressed, he decided to respectfully play the devils advocate, and was joined by the maitre d' who didn't have any faith or education about God. They asked me questions like "How could God's laws be fair if no one has been able to keep them except for Jesus Christ, His son?", and "How could God, who claims to love humanity with every fiber of His being, allow the suffering in the world today?", and "If God knew that Lucifer was going to rebel, and that humans would fall, isn't it cruel and selfish to have created us in the first place?"

Perhaps a better man than me would have been able to answer these questions, but I had no logical explanation to rationalize God or the Bible. The way the questions were framed, and from the viewpoint of the maitre d', believing in God is both foolish and irrational. I would agree with the latter, but the former I could disagree with more.

The conversation ended at three in the morning, after many different theological beliefs had been opened and explored. Kevin, my boss, being a theology major, also knew which areas were the most ripe for discussion and interpretation. Anyway, it did end, and we all parted with a new respect for one another due to a heated discussion without the usual personal attacks or name calling associated with such a sensitive topic.

The next day I awoke a little groggy, and trying to make sense of a rather battered and bruised belief system. This whole month, I have been wrestling with some fairly large issues like selflessness, love, faith, and have not been able to make sense of any of them. My hope was to have them all figured out in a months time, or at least a fresh understanding and foundation to begin the summer with, but I feel as if there is more unclear than when I began.

The coast of Northern Oregon is quite spectacular. Mountains would be a generous term, but there are some very sizable hills that dive, quite abruptly in places, right into the Pacific. They form just enough of a barrier to catch the ocean mist and create the kind of ambiance where werewolves are possible and one could imagine Bella and Edward racing through the forest.

I woke up early last Saturday morning, and went for an isolated walk on the beach. The sky was steel gray, the tide was coming in with a stiff easterly breeze, and the clouds were moving swiftly through the green evergreens blanketing the hills. I found a little sandbar to explore and was soon surrounded on three sides by the approaching tide, with a swim or retreat as my only two options. Right there, I felt close to God. I believe that He was in the mystery and vastness surrounding me, and I was ok with not being able to prove it.

Having to explain things empirically is a very seductive way of thinking, but is in essence flawed. God cannot be explained, he cannot be contained by our 'rational', self-serving thought processes. He's God. Come on! If I can't explain my faith, it's ok. If I can't understand my own faith, that's ok too. Faith in itself is unexplainable. It's definition hinges on things hoped for and things unseen.

Next time someone (or myself) questions my faith, I hope to be content in believing without having to defend myself on their terms of logical and reason. Some questions are too big to answer, you've just got to believe.

sexist thoughts

2010-03-26T23:40:00.001+01:00

My Achilles Heel is sexual sin. I have struggled with it for quite a long time. It all started by a good feeling. I began to associate this feeling with a certain type of physical characteristic, in my case, women without imperfection or blemish thanks to hours of prep work, make-up and Photoshop. This association led me to believe that I needed a woman without physical fault, just like the fake pictures in magazines, to make me feel good. It is easy to believe that it is someone else’s job to make me feel good, and if that feeling ever faded to a lesser degree, I would question whether the woman was pretty enough for me. I had conditioned myself to believe I needed the absolute best-looking woman for happiness.

There are several things wrong with this scenario. For starters, the need to have the ‘best’ was just setting myself up for disappointment. It is an ideal that will never be satisfied. In order to have the best-looking girl, I must compare her with every other girl, and she must come out on top every time and in every category. If you’re always scrutinizing someone in comparison to others, at some point you will find something in someone else that is more desirable, or just different. Then what happens, because you realize you are not with your ‘ideal’ person?

That’s the first problem. The second is that this whole system is based on selfishness. It is all about how the girl’s physical beauty makes me feel, and if I no longer feel a certain way about that person’s beauty, then they are no longer good enough for me because they stopped meeting my ideal. I have realized that they are not without flaw.

Why should I have the right to judge someone based on a groundless ideal rooted in selfishness?

For girls, this is a bit harder to pinpoint. Many girls have spent their whole lives dreaming about how a romance will look and feel. Fairy-tales and pop-culture have painted this picture of the ideal guy that always makes the girl feel a certain way. It also tells girls that they deserve the best. This environment produces women with a sense of entitlement for ideals that are really fabrications of culture and imagination. Furthermore, these ideal actions and behavior of the ideal man are all to make the girl feel a certain way. In the same way that I began to feel a need for a pin-up model based on how she would make me feel, so does a girl for a prince charming.

You wouldn’t want to be constantly compared with the cover girls of magazines would you?

These ideals for the perfect guy are a sure recipe for disappointment. It’s no wonder girls don’t trust guys with matters of the heart. If they have built up ideals that cannot be met, guys will disappoint every time. This continual disappointment leads to the cultural belief that guys are not competent enough to love properly, and so it is the girl’s job to teach the guy how to treat her, so that she can feel the way she was taught that she deserves. Again, this is selfish at the core. It’s all about the guy doing things a certain way to make a girl feel the way she has idealized. It is all about her. Society has deemed girls the experts at love (since love is about how the girl feels, and she’s the expert of her own feelings), and guys the buffoons. How then is she supposed to respect the man she can’t even trust to make her happy?

Just as feelings come and go, so will respect and love when based on something so transient as how you feel. God has called us to something much more permanent, and profound than this. His command for men was for them to love their wives. He didn’t say to love their wives when they made them feel a certain way, nor did God qualify the command to love with a woman’s deserving actions. He told men to love, without condition, selflessly, as God leads with example in loving us.

God told wives to respect their husbands. Again, this extends beyond feelings and merit. It’s a command. If a wife’s respect was to be based on a man’s actions, than no man would deserve it, just as there is no flawless woman always deserving selfless love. But God has made provision for our inadequacy and fickleness by fixing these most important tenants of a successful relationship on a permanent and continued decision rather that how one feels at the moment.

Fixing your respect for someone on their ability to make you feel a certain way is what common culture teaches, and is absolutely wrong.

on my career

2010-02-18T21:38:00.000+01:00

Work has been pretty slow around the office. Everyone has been hanging on to billable work, leaving me spending my time 'researching' social media and current events.

So, it comes as no surprise that my contract is not going to be renewed. After next Friday I will join the ranks of millions of other unemployed Americans, praying and waiting to see what God has up His sleeve.

Mt. Rainier on a bluebird day

2010-02-10T00:15:00.003+01:00

idolize vs. idealize

2010-02-08T21:54:00.001+01:00

Ideal (n)- existing as an archetypical idea

Archetypical (n)- the original pattern or model of which all things of the same type are representations or copies: PROTOTYPE; also: a perfect example

Idealize (v)- to give an ideal form or value to

Idealist (n)- one guided by ideals; especially: one that places ideals before practical considerations

Idolize (v)- to worship as a god; broadly: to love or admire to excess

Would you agree that it is safe to describe God as an idealist? I would, and for the sake of this post, will.

We, you and I; you and I and everything else in the Universe, are called by God. We are called to operate according to God’s ideals. If we all had and did, life would be perfect.

I tend to be an idealist as well, though comparing myself to God is an ugly process. Many of my ideals come from scripture. Many do not. There are perfect scenarios in my mind that I wish to be true. Often, I make decisions based on ideals, arguing that it is better to pursue an ideal and fail than to settle for mediocrity. Just as often are decisions made despite my ideals. However, between the two lies a murky grey area.

The problem with the pursuit of ideals is when we forget why we are pursuing them.

Making lots of money would be ideal. Really, money can do a lot of good, but what happens when we start to idolize making money? Our actions and motivations become governed by this new god. We start making decisions based on the ‘need’ for lots of money, and forget why it would have been ideal in the first place. We cannibalize the purpose behind the ideal in order to make more money. We begin to squash and exploit the very people we set out to help.

How about being a good host. That is an ideal trait right? The Bible mentions great hosts many times and the blessings rendered, but what happens when one idolizes being a good host and forgets why being a good host is ideal? Again, I would argue that the possible benefit given would be jeopardized. The host might start judging success in terms of numbers, popularity and reputation rather than good done. Furthermore, one could start to take credit for the good done rather than attributing it to the real source of all blessings.

What about being correct? Liked? Of good rapport? Successful? Being a good leader?

Now, how about God’s character. If anything is ideal, this is it. The Bible tells us to be like God, emulating His very characteristics. Is it even possible to idolize God’s character than? What might that look like?

In my argument, the process of idealizing to idolizing revolves around replacing the original intent of the ideal with the pursuit of the ideal’s characteristics. I would argue that the original intent of pursuing God’s characteristics is to allow us a deeper relationship of God. What happens when we replace this intent with one of idolizing individual attributes?

In the pursuit of being perfect, could we become legalistic, judgmental, and unforgiving? Could idolizing acceptance lead to too much compromise and a rejection of absolute moral guidelines (post-modernism anyone)? How about power… God is powerful right? Are the possibilities of misconstruing the original intent endless; capable of defacing a beautiful God to an entire planet? Could the ramifications of taking our eyes off the ball be so dire?

Yes.

“A fraudulent intent, however carefully concealed at the outset, will generally, in the end, betray itself” –Titus Livius

*All definition taken from Merriam-Webster online

on certainty

2010-02-04T07:11:00.000+01:00

I was talking to my boss the other day.

He's a successful man, a partner in a successful ad agency, has a happy family and a strong relationship with our creator. We were chatting about life, politics, and religion the other day (all great office topics), when I described my uncertain future.

He smiled, sort of tipped his head to the side and sighed, "You know Matt, the one thing I become more aware of is how little I actually know."

Though this has been my experience so far, I was looking forward to the switch to being 'in the know'.

Wah wah.

Good to know.

Look Again and Think*

2010-01-27T16:48:00.000+01:00

"Do not worry about your life…" -Matthew 6:25

A warning which needs to be repeated is that "the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches," and the lust for other things, will choke out the life of God in us (Matthew 13:22). We are never free from the recurring waves of this invasion. If the frontline of attack is not about clothes and food, it may be about money or the lack of money; or friends or the lack of friends; or the line may be drawn over difficult circumstances. It is one steady invasion, and these things will come in like a flood, unless we allow the Spirit of God to raise up the banner against it.

"I say to you, do not worry about your life…" Our Lord says to be careful only about one thing - our relationship with Him. But our common sense shouts loudly and says, "That is absurd, I must consider what I am going to eat and drink." Jesus says you must not. Beware of allowing yourself to think that He says this while not understanding your circumstances. Jesus Christ knows our circumstances better than we do, and He says we must not think about these things to the point where they become the primary concerns in your life. Whenever there are competing concerns for your life, be sure you always put your relationship to God first.

"Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" (Matthew 6:24). How much trouble has begun to threaten you today? What kind of mean little demons have been looking into your life and saying, "What are your plans for next month - or next summer?" Jesus tells us not to worry about any of these things. Look again and think. Keep your mind on the "much more" of your heavenly Father (Matthew 6:30).

*This entire passage takes from Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest, January 27 entry.

Last weekend. Caution! Long Blog Ahead

2010-01-26T22:13:00.000+01:00

My commuting amigo, Mike, and I boarded the Seattle train last Friday morning. Our conversations don’t usually run very deep, so we started chatting about sports and the weekend plans. He told me of dinner arrangements, the time and place he was going to see Avatar, and what he was going to do during the Football games. Soon, it was my turn.

“So do you have any weekend plans, Matt?”

“Well, I was thinking of mtn. biking tomorrow (Saturday).”

“Really, where at?”

“I’m not sure…”

“Who are you going with?”

“Well, I don’t know yet…”

“I’m going to start calling you Mr. ‘I don’t know!”

I laugh. “Yeah…”

Sometimes, life isn’t worth planning, because I know if something better comes along, I’m going to jump on that.

Weekend comes. I’m riding the train home, calling the two people I know who enjoy mtn. biking. Kyle is working; Jon is heading to Portland for the weekend. Lame. Jon offers to call some of his other biking buddies, and see if they’re doing anything, but concedes that they probably aren’t.

“This is lame!” I thought, and wondered why it was so hard to find other people who liked to have fun when I did. Where are all the hardcore people I heard about back in TN? In a place so ripe with opportunity, I have never had this hard of a time finding people to go on adventures with. Maybe they’re all living in some hippy, green commune on the Olympic Peninsula.

Once at home, I start to make biking preparations when Jon calls me back. The guy he thought was going riding on Saturday decided he wasn’t going anymore, but, he’s hiking and snowboarding Rainier instead… and if I was interested, Jon could send me his number.

Obvious choice. I call Rory, my newfound hiking/snowboarding buddy, and make arrangements for our 6:30am departure. We meet at the gas station in some town I don’t remember the name of, and head east. Rory is 31, lives in the same town I don’t remember the name of, does finish carpentry and kicks butt mtn. biking. Awesome.

After three hours of getting to know one another, we meet one of his friends, Paul, and Paul’s friend Marty at the trailhead. Paul recently returned from trekking in the Himalayas and Marty runs forty-mile cross-country marathons and climbed Denali last spring. Awesome.

At this point, I had gone past excitement at having met such outstanding folks, to nervous of having my ass handed to me trying to keep up with them on this mountain. The plan was to ascend around 5k vertical feet, to Camp Muir, then snowboard down. Paul and Marty had the advantage of ascending with skins*, and Rory and I would try our best to keep up on snowshoes.

We started hiking in a snowing and grey mist. It was probably around 25˚, so it didn’t take long at all to warm up. We would our way up through snowy forests and clearings for about an hour. Marty had established himself as the man to keep up with, and the rest of us gave it what we could while he waited on the difference.

Because the visibility was so poor, we ended up plotting our points with a GPS. Well, Paul and Rory did that with their GPS’, Marty had been on the mountain so many times he didn’t need one, and I just assumed that everyone else would make the right decision.

We had climbed through the tree line, and up onto the base of the Muir snowfield when the cloud layer lifted. Rainier appeared in all her majesty. The Nisqually followed the valley to our left, and the Cowlitz to the right beyond a cliff line. The sky was a snowy blue with the sun trying to break through the clouds. Each breath was crystal clear, and the windward side of my face/hair was completely frozen. I could not stop grinning.

Thirty minutes turned the grin into a look more resembling determination. The Muir Snowfield is unending slope of white and scattered rock/cliffs. The clouds came back, the wind picked up, the feet acted up, the headache acted out. Paul and I were following Marty’s tracks into the snowy something. Rory was back somewhere in the snowy something following our tracks.

It was at this point I heard a crack that sounded like thunder, then, CRASH! Snow and ice had dislodged somewhere, where picking up speed and volume, and rushing down the mountain. This was the first avalanche I had heard. I’m pretty sure it started on the Nisqually icefall off to our left, but not being able to see twenty feet in front of us didn’t calm the uneasiness of the situation.

Half an hour turned into an hour. One hour turned into two and we were still trudging up this bloody snowfield. The sun had feinted a return a few times, but the world was still grey. It felt a bit like I was in the game Mist, where the world was a puzzle that could only be worked out by dogged determination and perseverance.

Through this snowy, cloudy murkiness, we saw what appeared to be a darker, murkier spot. Hope that this was the hut quickened my painfully slow pace. The dark got darker, the murkiness dissipated, the slope steepened, and I knew we were almost there.

The Camp Muir is really a collection of scrappy looking structures clinging to the side of Rainier. It’s almost comical, but really comforting. Marty had been there, chillin’ out for a while when we arrived, and soon thereafter another party emerged out of the cloud. Paul arrived a bit later after dragging (yes, with his hands) his snowboard the whole way up the mountain.

The end is supposed to be where the whole climb becomes worth it, but I was glad to be there just to be done! And remember, we weren’t at the summit, but rather at the 10,177 foot mark. Content to rest a bit and get back to the car, I wasn’t thinking about the beauty that was hidden by the clouds.

In true mountain weather style, the clouds suddenly broke, and the sun revealed a mountain amphitheatre replete with soaring rock spires, steep snowy slopes, foreboding glaciers, and Adam’s peak protruding above the cloud in the distance. For most of the climb I had been in my own little bubble. Step, inhale, step, exhale. Repeat. The importance of my actions to the mountain had been further established with ascending step, but that left with the clouds. I was, once again, struck with God’s beauty, majesty, power, and my place in the whole mix. Oh yeah, and grinning like a little kid in an ice-cream shop, again. God is good.

Just as the weather broke, it could return, so we decided start our decent. This wasn’t something to be dreaded. We had five thousand vertical feet of untracked powder to descend!

Riding untracked powder is another form of bliss that I could only, speculatively compare with flying. It is magical. Perfect and soft turns, dizzying and unchecked speed, and a mind and imagination instantly freed. This lasted for the first 1500 or so vertical feet before we entered the clouds.

Knowing the inherent danger surround us, we proceeded very cautiously through the clouds, checking the GPS often and regrouping regularly. It was a painfully slow process, navigating cliffs, chutes, sink holes, and flats in low visibility, but soon enough the clouds broke again.

We finished our adventure darting through trees in perfect conditions. The parking lot came all too soon, and like all other adventures this one had finished, but not before rejuvenating the mind, body, and soul. Praise God for spontaneity, adventure, and beauty.

*Skins= a one-way material that attaches to the bottom of skis, turning them into a very quick and efficient method of ascent.

Candace and the hotdog stand

2010-01-26T01:53:00.000+01:00

Candace taking a timeout for texts last night at the Garage Voice show.

on prayer

2010-01-26T01:31:00.001+01:00

Talking to God is a tricky endeavor for me. Often, I don't know how I'm supposed to feel when I make requests or attempt to praise the Lord. Ideally, I would be completely into whatever I was saying, but as it plays out, my feelings are often different than what I know to be true.

So, if I'm praising God in prayer, my feelings can go anywhere from a full on pouring out of my heart to merely acknowledging God's attributes. Telling God that I love Him often spans the gap from bringing me to the point of tears, to professing what I know He deserves, yet feeling none of the emotions that I would like to accompany it. What does the Lord require in prayer?

The Jewish leaders in Jesus' time prayed at length, and said all the things they were supposed to say, but their hearts weren't in it, and Jesus rebuked them. What makes my prayer any different, even if I wish my heart were in it? It seems very arrogant to approach God without some sort of praise, if only to put myself in proper perspective. And to talk to God without asking His blessings is like saying I don't need anything, which couldn't be further from the truth. In retrospect, I always feel like a spoiled brat, not appreciating what God has given me and still asking for more.

Consistently, the only prayer I can pray with my whole heart, is found in Luke 18:13. "God have mercy on me, a sinner." Jesus said this is good. Until God shows me the next step, I'll just keep on asking for more mercy, because the Lord know's I need it.

Listen to Your Love is Strong by Jon Foreman

Brain-dead

2010-01-22T02:33:00.000+01:00

I am brain-dead.

My brain is dead. My thoughts are gooey. My legs are rubber. My eyes are lethargic.

Today, I sat at my desk for eight hours and stared at a computer screen.

It was beautiful, outside.

Accomplishments:

- chatted with friends

- caught up on social media stuff

- checked the news

- changed my Twitter profile desigh

- at leftovers from last nights agency-client party

- instigated a Nerf-baseball war

- did one hour's worth of billable work.

It’s not that I don’t want to do anything productive, but that I did it all yesterday. Some would be happy for a day like this. Not me.

blugh…

Good things

2010-01-19T01:59:00.000+01:00

1. Winter sunshine in Seattle
2. Forgiveness
3. Nerf Baseballs

Steeeerike!

2010-01-14T01:42:00.000+01:00

There’s this game I found out about a long time ago. It’s super popular; pretty much everyone I know plays or has played it. It has the thrill of action sports; the satisfaction/sense of belonging that comes with being on a team; and the potential payoff of playing the lottery.

The catch is that you are guaranteed to lose every time you play, except one (and winning once isn’t even guaranteed). The one time you win also has to be the last time you play. Oh yeah, and if you try to play again after you win, you will suffer a loss worse than every other loss you’ve experienced.

I hear the payout is amazing though…

cleaning out my closet

2010-01-07T00:40:00.000+01:00

Since moving to Seattle, I’ve been missing several important items from Tennessee. Christmas break presented the perfect opportunity to remedy the situation, and pack everything else up for when my situation becomes even more permanent.

Going through old stuff was a lot of fun. I sifted through a bunch of old photos (ladies, I was a cute baby…), packed up all of my books, emptied out my dresser drawers, and threw away a bunch of crap that needed discarding years ago.

I came across some old boxes of checks, probably from some old, closed checking accounts. Not wanting to throw them away and risk having my identity stolen, I was lamenting having to shred each one individually when I realized that I could have a lot more fun with paper than just throwing it away.

My plan had to wait until after my parents went to bed. It was really cold and windy when I took all of the checks and boxes out to the front porch of the house. After scouring the house for a lighter (which is remarkably difficult in a conservative Adventist home), it was go time.

Not that my idea was very well thought out, but I really surprised at how difficult it was to light a checkbook on fire. The wind didn’t help either, and forced me to start the fire on the porch. I first started by trying to light the spine of the checkbook on fire, but that didn’t work. Tried the other side, no luck. Lighting each individual check was quickly losing its appeal, when I laid the checkbook vertically on it’s opened pages and it started to burn beautifully.

Somehow it felt like I was rebelling against the establishment, and that laws were being broken. If Dylan would have been there, we could have had a really good time with that thought. We would have talked about how Ron Paul can save the world, how our leveraged economy is bound to crash, giggle about burning checks on the front porch of my house, and reminisce good times. He’s always been on board for breaking the law on most any way possible.

Well, the checks burned and the house didn’t. Success. It was pretty smoky inside though. I didn’t make and earth shattering discoveries, but I did have a lot of fun showing ‘the man’ who was boss. It’s the little things that count…

1st piece of furniture

2010-01-06T06:40:00.000+01:00

Guess the title said it. The boys and I have been slowly getting our apartment together, and I have been checking Craigslist almost daily, trying to find the perfect bookcase, dresser, etc. for my taste and budget.

Well, yesterday was my big day. I found a night stand from the Depression Era for twenty bucks. Now my keys, bill-fold, and cell phone have a home for the night.

Here are a few pictures of the new set up:

... and if you have time, check out the song Stay Where you Are by Ambulance LTD here.

The Cure for Pain

2009-12-20T10:06:00.000+01:00

Listen to song here

I'm not sure why it always goes downhill
Why broken cisterns never could stay filled
I've spent ten years singing gravity away
But the water keeps on falling from the sky

And here tonight while the stars are blacking out
With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt
I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord, to suffer like You do
It would be a lie to run away

So blood is fire pulsing through our veins
We're either riders or fools behind the reigns
I've spent ten years trying to sing it all away
But the water keeps on falling from my tries

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord, to suffer like You do
It would be a lie to run away
A lie to run, it would be a lie
It would be a lie to run away

It keeps on falling
Water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord, to suffer like You do
It would be a lie to run away
It would be a lie to run away
It would be a lie to run away

- Jon Foreman

Disillusioned

2009-12-20T09:06:00.002+01:00

What else is there -

when love is not enough?

Missed the train

2009-12-10T02:37:00.000+01:00

Somehow I don't really mind missing the train.

I mean I was a little put off at first, but now, twenty minutes later, I'm really glad it happened.

My whole evening had been planned out, almost down to the minute. The waiting times for the bus, time spent at home before heading to the climbing gym, time pilates class starts, when I was going to head home, go to bed etc... had all been planned out. When the train left, my plans followed suite.

Right now, I'm drinking an eggnog latte at my favorite cafe (Zeitgeist anyone?) in Seattle, just relaxing and watching people. Man sometimes I just need to slow down. Take it easy. Not miss out on life because I'm so busy planning the next step.

Ps- eggnog lattes aren't that bad, but I probably wouldn't recommend it.

food for thought

2009-11-25T17:47:00.000+01:00

I saw a bumper sticker on the way to the train last night that read, "Don't delay joy."

"Why would anyone do that?" I thought,

"that's stupid..."

Repugnant Rationale

2009-11-25T03:25:00.004+01:00

I believe in evolution. It is undeniable. Things evolve, or adapt. I do not believe that evolution can explain the origin of life, nor can it explain many other phenomena.

What really pisses me off is when an atheist writes off a creationist as unsophisticated and illogical because they have faith in God. What an incredibly ignorant, hypocritical thing to say.

Terminology. This is at the crux of the matter.

Many Christians I know claim they do not believe in evolution, mostly, I believe, because of the many cultural implication that go along with it. So in making this statement, they ‘throw out the baby with the bathwater'. The word evolution conjures up all kinds of separate references that shouldn’t define the word, but do.

The word, faith, is the same.

Richard Dawkins, a marketing genius, spares no words in denouncing anyone with faith. He has positioned himself as the protagonist for Darwin’s theory of natural selection and agnostic origins of life. You probably know who he is, that’s why I’m using him as an example.

Mr. Dawkins casts the aforementioned criticisms toward anyone with a faith in a creator, yet he is certain that, in time, science and the triumph of quantitative processes will prove the reality of things not yet known and statistically impossible. Is it a stretch to say that he has faith; that in time what is now unknown will be known? Does he believe that science will explain the unexplainable in much the same way as I believe God will clarify the same things?

Mr. Dawkins would say that all things are explainable and quantifiable, but if asked to explain them now, I would bet his rhetoric would include something smacking of faith in a later revelation.

Don’t get me wrong, Mr. Dawkins is more than welcome to hold whatever view he would like, as is anyone else, but do so with some dignity! I can respect you believing in whomever or whatever you want, but don’t attack my intellect for exercising the same right. Your theory is foiled by the same criticisms you cast at mine.

I do take this personally. Fact.

My beliefs cannot always be explained and quantified. Fact.

Neither can yours.

“Every man alone is sincere. At the entrance of a second person, hypocrisy begins.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

pics of the day

2009-11-20T19:45:00.000+01:00

All pictures taken from:

ffffound.com

shoes

2009-11-20T19:00:00.000+01:00

For the past year, I have a pair of boat shoes that I've worn about 5 days a week. They're awesome and comfortable. They can be dressed up or down, to church or the beach. I've gone climbing and running in them. They're great with or without socks, and they just slip on. Unfortunately, with all this wear, they are starting to get holes in the bottoms.
For those who don't know, I live in Seattle now. It rains a lot in Seattle, so the tradeoff to wearing my awesome boat shoes is wet feet.
I have this things about my belt and my shoes matching. I put on a brown belt yesterday, so that meant... brown shoes. It was raining outside as usual and I didn't feel like changing my belt, so it was either wet feet, or dress shoes.
My dress shoes are really nice. They're kindof heavy, nice leather... blah blah blah. They're dry. That's why I chose them.
It's been a while since I've worn 'nice' shoes. I never realized how different they make you feel and act. They're hard to run in. They make me walk funny, and they seem so serious. They were even getting in the way of my end of day ping pong match with Nate.
This story should have been summed up in one statement:
I feel like a retard in dress shoes.

Synergy

2009-11-16T09:52:00.000+01:00

God has saved -
you,
me,
us.
We,
you
and I,
are saved!
By faith,
for
works.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Actively Empathize

2009-11-07T04:48:00.000+01:00

Empathy doesn't come naturally to everyone. I am one of those people.

When someone is in pain, or has suffered a loss, or has something great happen to them, I can't say that I really feel it. I understand that something 'good' or 'bad' has happened, but I'm not giddy with excitement nor wrought with pain.

These feelings (or lack thereof) are from my interactions with friends and family. I am even more desensitized to intangible disasters or fortunes. Out of sight, out of mind...

Conflict. Not necessarily out of mind, completely. I know that I should feel bad, or be happy for these real events that happen to real people, but it just doesn't come naturally. I want to hurt for them, and to celebrate with them. I do sometimes, but it takes an effort.

I don't believe that my lack of natural empathy is reason not to feel other people's feelings. It is reason to work harder toward understand, to care, to love. Empathy is about sharing. It's about getting out of our own little world, looking past our own interests and concerns, and making an effort to know someone else.

Love is empathetic. Love doesn't invest, love gives.

Actively caring for someone else, and sharing someone else's life is perhaps the most important things we can do. Jesus called it 'being a neighbor'.

Sunny in Seattle

2009-11-03T21:19:00.002+01:00

This morning, I woke up to a day enshrouded in a thick fog. It was really hard to get myself out of bed. It seems so impossible sometimes, to get up and start the day when it is so gloomy outside.

Well I did finally get up, a little over an hour after my alarm went off. Every time I get up this late, it’s really a rush to make it to the bus on time, and breakfast is not an option. (Which sucks… I really like breakfast) I end up making it outside a few minutes earlier than I thought.

It’s about a ten-minute walk to the bus, down this big hill I live on. Everything was really wet when I left the apartment, but after a few minutes, I was under the cloud layer in this sort of eerie grey world where all the colors are super saturated. The air was very heavy and very cool, a very typical Seattle morning, as I’m finding out.

The bus came right on time, and dropped me off at the train station about ten minutes ahead of its arrival. Brrr. Probably should have worn a jacket…

Train ride = Bible time. It’s quite convenient. I am forced to sit with no other distractions. Lately I’ve been reading Luke with a renewed sense of purpose.

James (my roommate) preached a couple weeks ago about knowing God. Recognizing Him like you would recognize a friend. For example, I know how Bjorn walks, how he talks, how he laughs, and what kind of things he might say. I could pick him out of a crowd without ever seeing him. I should know God this way too.

So anyway, I’ve been reading Luke, and feel like I’m actually meeting Jesus and discovering His personality. I’m not reading it to discover some amazing truth, but just to know how Jesus acts. It has become a lot more tangible for me this way…

About five minutes out of town, the clouds break all the way to the Olympics to the West and the Cascades to the East. It’s a beautiful morning. It is sunny and beautiful in Seattle, and I didn’t even expect it.

I don’t know when my relationship with God will explode, or when I will become illuminated, but I’m enjoying getting to know a new friend.

What to do...

2009-10-13T21:13:00.000+02:00

So I started a new internship last week at a really great company, and they don't have anything for me to do. This seems like a really unusual problem, for a company this successful, so I am convinced that I need to make myself known.
To do this, I will make my rounds every morning, telling every department head that I'm here and am willing to do whatever they might ask me to do. They usually smile, thank me, and then go back to work after some small chat about how they'll let me know as soon as something comes up. Do people in office's just act like they have things to do all day, when they really don't?
Disappointing.
Another problem that I've run into is that when they do give me something to do, I finish it quickly, and then am back to square one. This dilemna could be solved by dragging out what work I get as long as possible, but that completely defeats the purpose of efficiency!
Alas, I brought my new book The Wild Things by Dave Eggers and am thuroughally enjoying it.

The List

2009-09-15T23:31:00.000+02:00

Lately, I feel like nothing important gets accomplished during the day, so, today I made a list.
That's right, a list.
The list has been my daddy today, and I am kicking butt and taking names. Before my parents get here tomorrow, I'm going to have accomplished more that the past two months combined. It's really amazing and inspiring.
Blogging, however, was not on my list, so I must go. But before I do, check out this AWESOME piece on architecture HERE.

Free Scones!!

2009-09-15T11:16:00.000+02:00

So the Puyallup Fair scones have been touted for months. At the fair, there is always a line of 25 people of more waiting to pick up one of the $1.25 pieces of heaven.
I tried one. It was good, but... really? Was this what all the hype was about? It tastes like a biscuit with butter and jelly. Maybe I'm a pastry snob, but as far as I'm concerned, people have been getting hyping up something a little too average.
Anyway.
Tonight at the World Vision exhibit, traffic was a little slow. I always enjoy getting to know new people, so I kicked off the evening by visiting our neighbor's booth, which happened to be an Islamic center. Upon getting back to WV, I realized that I wouldn't mind getting some food, but didn't really want to pay.
The night before, I had met a couple people from the Young Life chicken teriyaki wagon, and had managed to get some free food with a frisbee swap. I decided to pay them a visit again tonight, with my partner in crime Garrett. We walked up, but after seeing that most of the employees had a y-chromosome, figured we would be out of luck. They were good sports though, and swapped some more WV schwag for two plates of rice, teriyaki, and salad. We felt good about this.
Our pie neighbors came into Africa a few minutes later, and we realized that this would also be a good connection to have. We talked to them a few times in the exhibit, trying to make them feel as welcome as possible. When they where leaving, I offered some WV pens, glowing bracelets, and WV visors. Two of the girls eagerly accepted, but one turned to me and told me she'd rather save the money and use it to the kids benefit... ouch.
Battered but not defeated, we decided to take our friendmaking to the scone wagon, the holy grail of the Puyallup Fair. Feeling rather ambitions at this point, Garrett and I took two frisbees and a half dozen glowing bracelets. We walked up with big grins, asked what they where doing with their beautiful hot scones, and offered a swap for some awesome WV schwag. They all looked around for a minute, as if looking for approval, than one girl handed us a huge bag full of at least 13 or 14 scones. Hot, tasty, FAMOUS scones. These where worth their weight in gold. You don't even understand.
Since we are Christians, we shared them with our newfound Young Life friends and coworkers. It was a sort of investment.
My take away: What an awesome evening. A few cheap plastic toys helps us kill some very slow time, build some new friendships, and also fill some hungry tummies. It's all about who you know, and how you approach them...

The Traveling Minister

2009-09-03T00:20:00.000+02:00

There's a little bakery a few block from my apartment in Tacoma called Corina Bakery. It has a modest exterior, with a big window and church benches and long tables for dining. The WiFi and cranberry orange scone is what attracted me here today.
I've been sitting here for quite a while. The to do list included applying for jobs, catching up on email and other social devices, and reading the news. Nothing too crazy. Someone sent me a link for a "flash mob" in downtown Seattle that was pretty entertaining. All together a really relaxed afternoon.
A few minutes ago, an older gentleman in a bright green fleece, hunter green pants, and a red Tacoma Rainiers cap came and sat next to me. Not being the introverted type, it didn't take him long to tell me hi, with a big smile, and begin to tell me about his soup. Apparently its much hotter in the plastic cup than in a ceramic bowl. It needed to be eaten before the Mariner's game at 3:30.
Our conversation was intermittent. A couple of dogs (and their owners) came in, which immediately grabbed his attention. There was a little boy with a big white bear behind us, and he would turn around and comment on it every few minutes.
When we were talking, I found out that he was a traveling minister. He worked at the local Education Opportunity Center to fund his ministry. "Could you help me with the wrapper?" That part of conversation was over. The scone was wrapped too well for his trembling hands to manage. It was almost wrapped too well for me to get though. I managed though, he offered me half, I declined.
Almost immediately he turned back toward the boy and started singing to him "Praise Jesus, He loved the little indian boy...". He questions more about the boy, and his parents said they didn't know if he would be an evangelist, and yes, he does have beautiful eyes.
"Well, I've gotta get home to watch the Mariners game. Yippi Yai!" Was his farewell bid. He wished me well. He gave the dogs another scratch and then he was gone.

Life seems to go a bit slower in little cafe's. Maybe that's the appeal. Cities are cool, and the hustle of activity has it's appeal, but life is all about the details. The traveling minister, the future evangelists, the community here at the Corina Bakery.

How to lose friends and alienate people

2009-08-30T21:44:00.000+02:00

This essay is part of my thought process, not the end answer.
I've always believed honesty to be the best answer. This has generally been a fairly easy mandate to follow. I know what is true, and what isn't. If I just tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, everyone would understand and it would all be OK.
Is it necessary to honestly convey what you feel? It now seems a bit elementary to me that I should be completely transparent. Its possible to be completely transparent and honest with feelings, and still paint a false or incomplete story. This honesty can result in unnecessary pain.
A couple nights ago, I told a good friend exactly how I felt about a part of our relationship. I didn't say one lie, nor did I exaggerate any of the details. Everything was said with the best of intentions, but I hurt my friend deeply. I wanted to help and improve the situation, but my brazen honesty somehow became selfish when I didn't consider how it would affect the other person and was only considering how I felt about the situation. We haven't spoken since.
No doubt time heals a lot of mistakes, but time also prevents mistakes from happening. Tact is a fundamental of any healthy and honest relationship. What if, instead of honestly conveying feeling at the time of their conception, I had waited a week to distill them into something tactful, beneficial, or maybe realize that the problem isn't worth worrying about at all. Is it dishonest to act differently than you feel until you sort your feelings out?
The solution might be in respect and trying to meet the needs of the other person over your own needs. Hmmm... more thoughts to come.

Liberty

2009-04-21T22:36:00.000+02:00

John Smith awoke a little earlier than usual last Sunday morning. The house was quiet, with his wife and kids still asleep, which left him with some time to kill. He drank a cup of coffee and skimmed the headlines of the paper before he realized how particularly beautiful the fall morning was. Quietly he donned an old pair of gym shorts and managed to find his college running shoes on top of a stack of returned comp. papers in the spare bedroom’s closet.
The crisp air and colorful leaves reminded John of why he had loved running back in the day. Most mornings he would see his neighbor Mary running, and though twelve years his senior, she kept a very respectable pace that sent a twinge of guilt though John’s mind for neglecting his fitness.
“Sure, I could still run if I had the time”, John would think, “but its just nicer to get up and read the paper before work, without the stress of cramming more into an already stressful day”.
This usually placated his conscience enough to finish reading the paper before work and finish the day without regretting his prior decision. However, John was proud of himself this morning for actually lacing up his shoes and getting his rear in gear. He turned right out of his driveway toward the entrance of the subdivision a few minutes away, all the while enjoying the sound of his well-worn shoes on the pavement. He smiled and greeted Mary between breaths as he passed her returning from her run. “She sure looked surprised to see me out here”, John mused, “but I still got it.”
His breathing got a little heavier as he started the hill leading onto the main road. John leaned forward and strived to maintain his pace. A few more strides rewarded him with a searing pain in his side and a burning sensation descending down his neck. Perhaps this had been expected, but definitely not this early. Though he hadn’t left with a particular stopping point in mind, it was rapidly getting sooner and sooner until he suddenly stopped to ‘catch his breath’ and walk for a moment by the subdivisions entrance.
“What’s happened to me?”, was all he could think as he turned around to make sure Mary didn’t notice his stopping. “I used be the president of the Southern Striders!”. John made a few more starting attempts before calling it a day and walking home to stretch.
Since our first history lesson, the sacrifice our forefathers made to give us the country we enjoy living in today has been made quite clear. Thank you forefathers. You sacrificed, struggled, yearned, and endured to create a land embodying the most idealistic of principles; liberty.
It is also quite clear that our country is facing many great challenges today, not so different in scope and effect as what our forefathers dealt with in their day. Do you know what those issues we as American’s are dealing with today? Do you know what the headlines mean?
Eric: “Well . . . some of our country’s issues are the economy, and the war in Iraq, and healthcare, and the social security system, to name a few.”
Ok Eric, all true. Now why are these issues? What events and decisions led us the position we are in today regarding our social security system? Why can’t we just print the money to bail the banks out and call it good? Where is Barack Obama going to get the money for his health care plan. How is John McCain going to continue financing the war in Iraq? Do you know who Bob Barr is? What is your civic duty?
What is your civic duty? What does it mean to be an American? Is it a standard of living envied by most of the world? Is it being able to buy a gun or tell someone what you really think? Is it enjoying the American dream and feeling safe on an airplane? “Ms. Couric, I’d like to use a lifeline.”
“Change does not roll on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom.” –Martin Luther Kind Jr.
The Roman Republic, cited as a classic example progressive thinking and political freedom, lost both by settling for tranquility. Benjamin Franklin boldly said that “People willing to trade their liberty for temporary security deserve neither and will lose both”. This applies to more than just terrorism.
It is not enough to know we have problems. It is not enough to know merely what those problems are. It is our duty as Americans to defend liberty. The duty is not limited to those serving in the armed forces. You have the responsibility to ask questions, to use the information available to become informed and educated. Voltaire had it right in part when he advised “Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.” You have the responsibility to know what you believe, know why you believe it, and to defend that belief. I can be free only as you are free*.
As John Smith found out early one Sunday morning, if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it. Exercise your rights as an American. Only in this can liberty’s continuation be assured.
*modified quote from Charles Caleb Colton

Time

2009-04-21T22:32:00.000+02:00

It’s April, and that’s no joke. March has past, and February before that. Yes, even January is gone, and no, they aren’t coming back. Part of April is gone too. It just up and left. The time you spent reading that last sentence, though you will cherish the memory, is gone . . . for good. Do you see what I’m saying? This time you just spent thinking about the aforementioned lost time, that’s gone too. Where has it all run off to? Is there anyway stop the hemorrhaging?
I vividly remember, about two and a half years ago, walking home down the sidewalk in Prague with my friend Isreal Cilio. The cobblestone was uneven under our feet, the little corner market was on our left, and our year as a student missionaries directly in front of us. Isreal and I were talking about how fast time went sometimes. Like summer camp. You get there, meet everyone in staff training, than pack up and go home. It’s that fast. Before you know it, its all a memory, often revisited, but never re-lived.
We blinked and picked up the same conversation. Our students had just graduated. We had our farewell dinner last night and were heating up leftovers on the stove. Today was when our apartment was to have its final cleaning. Where had the time gone?
Last Christmas I went to Maine to see my dad. We booked the tickets in October to try and get the best fare possible. Before the tickets were bought, I checked my exam schedule to see exactly when my last exam was, added the time to get to the airport, and purchased the coinciding tickets. October left, November followed suite, and December was getting away from me too. Exams and graduation were upon us when it finally hit me. One of my best friends was graduating. Graduating! And more than me not being here for it, was the fact that “a chapter in our lives was through”. Gone, like Al Pacino’s cash.
Sadly, there are no time surgeons that I know of, at least none around here. So what is to be done with all this time that just doesn’t seem to be on my side anymore? I don’t think stomping my feet will make it come back. Maybe I should raise my voice and let it know who’s boss, but that might prove to be a waste of time as well.
One things for sure, time is something not to be squandered or trifled with. Time suffers no fools. Mr. T was definitely on point. So, since time cannot be harnessed and we don’t want to be fools, we should enjoy it for what it is . . . a gift. Enjoy the moment. Live it up, it’s only here once. Go crazy. Climb something illegal. Skip class and sit in the sun. I don’t know! Whatever makes you come alive, do that. Don’t postpone living any longer. Don’t spend today dreaming about tomorrow or regretting the past, because before you know it, today will soon be gone.

Pero

2006-03-14T15:24:00.000+01:00

Last weekend I finally realized that my days here in Prague are numbered. We just finished our second of three semesters and are on our final leg. Today in teachers meeting we talked about our end of the year party and the graduation. Crazy! Time flies when your having fun. So an update on my life:
Last weekend was faily normal until Saturday night when a couple of the other teachers (e-mail me for more info) and I shook on a plan for some entertainment, which was to be supplied by us. So anyway we decided that we had to meet a new English speaking girl, but act as if we are Czech. So the first victim appeared and it was showtime. Teacher #1 played it off fairly smoothly. The girl was seated by a book shelf in a restaurant, so T1 went to the shelf, fumbled a book, and was soon immersed in a conversation with the girl. Nice job #1, you are worthy of your name. Now it was my turn. We spotted a couple of English speaking girls on some computers in the corner of the restaurant. They didn't have any obvious vices to use as a conversation starter so I had to use my imagination for this one, albeit a but rusty from lack of use. Anyway, it was my turn and I shook, so I went. I opted for the classic fall on your face move with the drop my pen under their chair as a catalyst for further conversation beyond my apparent injury. Surprisingly, it didn't work out as planned. Getting their attention was more than successful, not only did I have their undivided attention, but also the attention of everybody else in that side of the restaurant. Secondly, I way over-did my Czech acting and lost focus because I had to try to stifle my laughter. The third, and perhaps the most fatal of the mishaps, was that my pin got caught by the leg of a chair. What is a man to do? I had a pen to get her number but now lacked the means to ask her. That's ok, practice makes perfect right? And just for the record, after seeing my attempt, the third wussed out, and this wasn't because of lack of prospects.
Marek and Jitka had invited me to go cross country skiing on Sunday, but we got dumped on, with snow that is. About a foot and a half over the period of twenty hours. Anway we went on a rad hike for about four hours and they had lunch at Jitka's. The pictures are from the hike. That all for now folks.

2006-03-09T07:50:00.000+01:00

Thanks to my rockin’ step-brother, I should be watching Starsky and Hutch on my iPod while my students are laboring away at their exams. You know I have a pretty tough job, but every once in a while it has it’s perks. That’s about all the exciting news for now. I have started to plan my trip at the end of the year with Jan and Marek and I’m planning on coming home around the 18th of July. Well see what the airlines have to say about that. Hope you’ve had luck finding the other blogs which have been redirected. Oh, one story. The other day I was teaching phrasal verbs in class and I taught the phrasal verb ‘make out’. I called on one of the more creative students for an example sentence for this one. Here it is, “I . . . uhh . . . I like to . . . make out? . . . with . . . hmm . . . my cat.” It took a little while to get back control of the classroom. Have a good one -Vladamir

2006-03-07T13:45:00.000+01:00

Warning! This site is for authorized personnel only. If you have not been cleared for admittance, you must leave now and not return. Having been justly warned, my conscience has been freed from the possible consequences that you might incur.

**Classified**

Since my last drop spot was compromised, I have been authorized to increase security to a level necessary for preserving the integrity of my work. Persons mentioned are thus being referred to by their alias, again for protection against the possibility of unauthorized intruders. By reading this you have agreed to help in my mission. I work as an informant for a young private company training foreign nationals to blend in with the world’s capitalistic societies of today. My clients come from an authoritarian background, but due to a recent change in domestic policies, we are presenting them with new and never before heard of opportunities. Some may argue these to compromise global stability, but we know the true path to stability. Having brought you up to date for the time being, please share this new drop spot to others whose level of security is sufficient for such material. My name is Vladamir Křížkov. Thank you for your help.

**Classified**